been thinking.

which is something I do.

So, I have a guilty pleasure. I must admit that I really do like to watch American Idol. Jeff has been gone a lot lately, so I’ve taken the liberty of putting Dallin to bed a little early and turning on our bunny eared tv that gets only three stations. Luckily FOX is one of them. I watched last night. Didn’t really care who won. I thought they were both equally deserving. I was happy for Carrie. She seemed like a sweet, humble girl. I did start thinking about it all as I was trying to fall asleep. Thinking about how she will become an instant superstar overnight–fame, money, the whole shabang. I felt a bit saddened about how fame and stardom usually begins to corrupt and harden the soul–letting Satan in little by little. I felt a twinge of sadness that her life will be subject to this even though it all seems magical. Don’t get me wrong, I still think it’s a great thing. Just thinking.

That got me started thinking about my not-so-glamorous life at the moment. Some days I feel like motherhood is really tough. There are certain things about it that I don’t enjoy and probably never will enjoy like grocery shopping, cooking, or the idea of driving a mini van because it’s more practical than an SUV. I feel guilty for having these feelings at times, but it’s not good for me to keep all that inside. I just need to throw it out there on the table, get over it, and get on with the good things.

So in my little therapeutic way I decided to make some lists. Things I like, things I don’t like. It’s okay not to like things, but the key is to focus on the happy list.

I don’t like:

Cooking
Grocery Shopping
Mini vans (but they are growing on me)
Walking on the floor and
feeling crumbs on my feet
Falling asleep without Jeff
Having a bathroom attack
and being far from home
That I can’t make good
choices when it comes to my eating habits
An unmade bed
The Price of homes in California

That Dallin only wants to
eat junk food and his teeth are bad

Unloading the dishwasher
Being in a place (here in the ‘nard) where I’m
the only one speaking English
Making phone calls
Hairy bathrooms
Laundry
Graffiti
That I can’t swim
Blood clots
That I care too much about
what others think

THE HAPPY LIST: (not all inclusive. i’m still adding stuff.)

Being in love
Temple attendance
Pedicures
Squeeze hugs from Dallin
Smiles from Ella
Foot rubs
Watching my children sleep
Grandparents
Being taught by the Spirit
Hot chocolate after coming in from the cold
Snuggling with da baby
Putting the kids to sleep and having a date night
When Jeff does one of my "around the house" jobs
Flowers
Crisp fall air
October football games at BYU
Real bargains
Attending General Conference in the Conference Center
Scenic drives
A clean house
Running
Hearing Dallin playing by himself or with others
Watching a clean, feel-good movie
Cool and classy design
Streets of Spain
Hearing the garage door open 🙂