when we got married, we said there was one word we’d never say in our house. divorce. there is another word that i hoped we’d never have to say in our house–one word in any language that will strike fear into any heart.

cancer.

i am not fond of the word but somehow lately it has managed to find its way into our home. our thoughts. our prayers. our way of life.

let’s start with some history. first off, since we have been married we have never had a family doctor. mainly because i had most of my needs taken care of by my ob/gyn and jeff is just not prone to sickness. hence, he has not been to see a doctor for a routine checkup in seven years. yes, that’s right. seven years.

when we moved to california, i asked jeff to find us a family doctor in the area. i would have taken the responsibility myself but since he is in the medical industry, i figured he had access to info about good doctors and could possibly pull some strings in case a good doctor had a closed practice. he has been reluctant mostly because he didn’t want to call on his own doctor. so i haven’t pushed the issue.

(side note: about 2 months ago i noticed a dark and oddly shaped mole on jeff’s
back that i hadn’t seen before. i told him that he should get it
checked out. end of conversation.)

one day at the beginning of december jeff came home and announced that he had gotten us a family doctor and made an appointment for a physical. MAJOR shock. #1 because i wasn’t hounding  him to do this and #2 because he made an appointment for himself.  he hasn’t been to the doctor in seven years and he wasn’t sick so it was an unusual thing.

during the physical, the doctor decided to do a skin test and check for anything unusual. he noticed the mole that i had told jeff about and wanted to have it removed and have a biopsy.

nothing weird it seemed. people get moles removed all the time. jeff is healthy. no big deal. so i thought.

jeff called me immediately after he received the biopsy results. malignant melanoma he said. oh, i thought, no worries. they’ll just remove it and it will be no problem. i guess i really didn’t know what malignant melanoma was. i do now.

skin cancer. the scary kind. the kind that if not detected early can grow deeper then spread to your lymph nodes and then… well… that’s all she wrote.

i never thought we’d deal with this at this age. not now anyway. but here we are.

tomorrow is the surgery to remove the area of skin around the mole.

today after fasting and prayer, we feel peace. i feel peace. i was reminded of the simple yet out-of-the-ordinary events that have led us here.
i saw the mole.
jeff got a doctor.
the doctor removed the mole.
the cancer is stopped from spreading.
miracle.

i am humble, grateful, and even more sure now than i was yesterday that God lives. He loves us. He knows us. and He will not leave us alone.

bad thing:
when your nose is too stuffed up to smell your baby girl’s stinky diaper.

good thing:
big brother has a sniffer good enough to let you know about it.

it’s good to be back to life…back to reality.
the vacation was wonderful. very simple. very relaxing. that’s what i’m talkin’ about.
now on to a new year. new desires. new adventures.

glad to have my blog along for the ride.

had lots of people asking about the photos from our christmas card. just in case you were wondering…
the fairy godmother is none other than tara whitney!
she is brilliant and talented and we probably thank her on a daily basis for capturing us as only she can.

so i’m sure you’re all familiar with the madness that ensues in the wee hours of the morning on the day after thanksgiving. i’ve been there and done that.
pouring over ads after turkey and pie have been eaten and dishes washed.
making a game plan to hit the stores that have what you really want, what you sorta want, and what you you might want if they have any left. 
waking up way before the dawn has even thought about cracking, standing in line at the door, watching crazed shoppers nudging/gently pushing each other and yelling "hey, the line starts back here buddy!" as the clock strikes 4:30 a.m.
doors open, adrenaline pumps, and the race is on.

well, this year just happened to be a little different for me. i had decided the night before that i was going to sit this one out. mainly due to $$ considerations and differentiating between real necessities and wants that have become perceived necessities.

little did i know that for some unknown reason my stomach decided to boycott my decision that night. i woke up unable to sleep, unable to focus on anything but my pain and anguish. the time: 4:45 a.m.
unfortunately my mom had nothing in her house to ease my suffering. ughhh… so i lay there thinking. and wincing. and wondering.

10 minutes later  i’m dressed, in the car, and driving.
first stop: Smith’s grocery store. they are closed. what? i thought every store was open this morning. don’t they know it’s the day after thanksgiving? do i drive to Wal-Mart? no, that would be sheer insanity. so i keep going. second stop: Albertson’s. they are closed too.
i see the lights on at K-mart. ok, i have no other choice. i park and walk towards the door only to see that the line is down the sidewalk and wrapped behind the store. i must be nuts. truly nuts.

inside the store people were briskly walking, grabbing toys, electronics, all the important stuff, you know. and here i am, the lone person in the aisle with products particularly for tummy trouble. i grab the box i need and head for the check out. i stand in line again. the couple in front of me have a big screen TV in their cart. the guy behind me a disney princess table, couch, and chairs. and me clutching my box of you-know-what. i put in on the counter to pay and the cashier asks me if i’d like to open a k-mart credit card and save 10% on my purchase. then she looks down to scan the item and says "oh…i guess not." i’m totally laughing inside but a little humiliated as well. she rings me up, hands me the bag, and says "have a nice day."

yes, i will now. i will have a wonderful day knowing that i was up with the best of them. up and shopping with the truly die-hards. braving the crowds. braving the chaos. only this year not for a bargain but for liberation.