so this one’s for you, jeff.

this past week jeff has been asking every day, "when are you going to blog again?"
yesterday i replied, "well, maybe when there are four of me then i can."
i think i’ve had about 5 entries written in my mind but finding the time to type it out is a different story. i’d have to choose between blogging and taking a shower. and um…frankly i figured he’d rather go without my ramblings than have a stinky wife. 🙂

geez, life is full right now. not many moments in the day are available to just think quietly. except for maybe 2 a.m. and actually, i have on occasion stayed awake after feeding lincoln to do just that. be alone without anyone needing me for something. i often think of a quote from one of my favorite talks because she is a mother from elder holland.

With night feedings and night teethings, often the greatest challenge of all for a young mother is simply fatigue. Through these years, mothers go longer on less sleep and give more to others with less personal renewal for themselves than any other group I know at any other time in life. It is not surprising when the shadows under their eyes sometimes vaguely resemble the state of Rhode Island.

but you know, it’s all good. it’s good because i know i wouldn’t have it any other way. sometimes when i’m in the thick of it all i jokingly i ask myself, "is this what i was born to do?" and sure enough i am reminded by the spirit that yes, this is what i have always wanted to do and be. sometimes motherhood may not always be exactly like i expected, but it is my greatest work. and truthfully somedays i wake up and don’t want to go to "work." some days i’d like to get a replacement or fake with my best "first thing in the morning raspy, hacking, coughy voice" and call in sick. but…i have three bosses who would see right through that one. 🙂

but i’m glad they would see through it because no replacement would love them as much as i do. or patiently clean up their food flung everywhere for the third time that day. or rock them gently back to sleep for the fourth time that night. or sing them the same song for the fiftieth time while they say go faster or slower. or run across the room arm outstretched with them pretending to be superman. or dance with them in my arms while we boogie to any beat. or read them the book about frogs one more time even though i want to hide it so i don’t have to read it yet again. or give them countless eskimo and butterfly kisses just before bedtime.

and even though my body breathes a sigh of relief each night as i close their bedroom doors, i am happy. happy to be their momma and to love them like no replacement can.