that one word we don’t say

when we got married, we said there was one word we’d never say in our house. divorce. there is another word that i hoped we’d never have to say in our house–one word in any language that will strike fear into any heart.

cancer.

i am not fond of the word but somehow lately it has managed to find its way into our home. our thoughts. our prayers. our way of life.

let’s start with some history. first off, since we have been married we have never had a family doctor. mainly because i had most of my needs taken care of by my ob/gyn and jeff is just not prone to sickness. hence, he has not been to see a doctor for a routine checkup in seven years. yes, that’s right. seven years.

when we moved to california, i asked jeff to find us a family doctor in the area. i would have taken the responsibility myself but since he is in the medical industry, i figured he had access to info about good doctors and could possibly pull some strings in case a good doctor had a closed practice. he has been reluctant mostly because he didn’t want to call on his own doctor. so i haven’t pushed the issue.

(side note: about 2 months ago i noticed a dark and oddly shaped mole on jeff’s
back that i hadn’t seen before. i told him that he should get it
checked out. end of conversation.)

one day at the beginning of december jeff came home and announced that he had gotten us a family doctor and made an appointment for a physical. MAJOR shock. #1 because i wasn’t hounding  him to do this and #2 because he made an appointment for himself.  he hasn’t been to the doctor in seven years and he wasn’t sick so it was an unusual thing.

during the physical, the doctor decided to do a skin test and check for anything unusual. he noticed the mole that i had told jeff about and wanted to have it removed and have a biopsy.

nothing weird it seemed. people get moles removed all the time. jeff is healthy. no big deal. so i thought.

jeff called me immediately after he received the biopsy results. malignant melanoma he said. oh, i thought, no worries. they’ll just remove it and it will be no problem. i guess i really didn’t know what malignant melanoma was. i do now.

skin cancer. the scary kind. the kind that if not detected early can grow deeper then spread to your lymph nodes and then… well… that’s all she wrote.

i never thought we’d deal with this at this age. not now anyway. but here we are.

tomorrow is the surgery to remove the area of skin around the mole.

today after fasting and prayer, we feel peace. i feel peace. i was reminded of the simple yet out-of-the-ordinary events that have led us here.
i saw the mole.
jeff got a doctor.
the doctor removed the mole.
the cancer is stopped from spreading.
miracle.

i am humble, grateful, and even more sure now than i was yesterday that God lives. He loves us. He knows us. and He will not leave us alone.